


how do you protect the person you ruin

by MythologyPastry



Category: Satan and Me (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Memory Loss Arc (Satan and Me), Self-Hatred, natalie came back wrong and satan is upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologyPastry/pseuds/MythologyPastry
Summary: Satan has a lot to think about, but all of it is Natalie.
Relationships: Natalie McAllister/Satan | Lucifer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	how do you protect the person you ruin

"I just don't know what you want out of me," she says bitterly. Natalie's sitting on the hotel bed, chin resting on her thighs, and Satan can tell that this will be a long night. "I'm not sorry I can't remember."

Satan feels like this is the worst punishment his father could create for him, this tearing in his heart. She's Natalie, his Natalie, but he's not hers, and he doesn't know what to do. He's never cared for anyone so much in his life, and that is a ridiculous length to use for scale.

Absently, he wonders if his horns are still purple.

"Kid, don't worry about it. Just go to bed."

She looks up at him, and he feels guilty. Guilty that she died. Guilty that she came back wrong. Guilty that he's grateful to see her alive, regardless of her tears.

"Are you going to stay here?"

His heart pangs. "Yes." It's a foolish question; he never wants to leave her alone again. "I'm not going anywhere, not tonight."

She seems to accept that, finally stretching out her legs and crawling under the sheets. He settles by the side of the bed, watching her back while also mentally cursing Death.

Natalie had looked at him like he was a monster, and he is. He took a perfectly good human, and he broke her. He dragged a sick girl around like a ragdoll, and he knew she wasn't well, _and she died_.

He hates himself. He's never hated himself more.

Satan sits, listening to the start of her quiet snores, and tries not to cry. He can't lose his composure, not now, not when she could wake up and see.

He loves her so much. How is he going to fix this? What does he do if she never gets her memory back? He's been hurt too much to pretend they can recreate what they had. Satan can never look at her again without remembering the horror of his crime.

"Satan?"

He jolts. He hadn't noticed that she stopped snoring. "Yeah, kid?"

"When I get my memories back, I can go home to my dad?"

"Yes. Home."

There's a silence. Then she says quietly, "Are you going to come home with me?"

He exhales. "Go to bed. We can talk about that later."

Natalie shuffles a bit under the covers, and they don't talk anymore after that. He just sits with his thoughts, watching the subtle rise and fall of her blankets. Watching her breathe. Watching her live.

Satan knows he'll have to fight to get her memories back. He just has to be ready.

And maybe if he watches her this time, she won't die.


End file.
